A Playlist about Empathy Building and Dialogue Skills
by 2021 DPF Peace Intern Kate Myers
A Playlist is a way of engaging with an idea or topic. They can be used as small group discussion starters, for personal devotions, or as a place to jump into a subject.
Empathy BUilding
&
Dialgoue Skills
On the subject of Empathy and Dialogue, here is:
…A potential group covenant
Take the story, don’t share the details
If you are impacted by something someone shared, you can take that with you and share it outside the group space, but you have to protect confidentiality.
For example: Sue shares with the group that since her mom has been diagnosed with cancer, she (Sue) has been struggling with depression and self harm. If this story impacted you and you wished to share this story outside of the group, here is an example of a way to share the story outside of the group, without details that would violate Sue’s privacy: “Someone shared to me recently that they’ve been having a really hard time since a member of their family became ill. I really resonated with this because….” Note that in this retelling of the story, gender neutral pronouns are used, and the storyteller doesn’t share the contexts of where they heard this story orgically, or which family member was ill, or with what illness, and they don’t share the details of the original storyteller’s struggles.
More or less details can be shared depending on the context (who is the story being discussed with, where, and how likely is it that people you’re sharing the story with will know, or ever know, Sue). HOWEVER, if you are ever in doubt about sharing a story that isn’t your own, it would be safest to not share the story.
Author’s Aside: I have found that people share things that happened in the group outside of group space, even if there’s a “what happens in the group stays in the group” rule. Additionally, I have found that these “outside” conversations can be very fruitful. Thus, this rule, which allows people to talk about things that happened in the group outside the group. (Processing through things is good, it’s how people grow their ideas. And it’s a sign that the group had an impact on people!!).
Use “I” statements
We can only speak to our own perspectives. I statements help to reduce the risk of speaking for other people and assuming we know that they are feeling or thinking.
I statements ground us to what we are saying and feeling. They help us assert ourselves and speak to our own needs, thoughts, and feelings.
A link briefly explaining I statements and their importance: https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/i-message
It’s okay to be uncomfortable
In this group, we may talk about some things that might cause discomfort. It’s ok to be uncomfortable and/or to feel ambivalent about things that come up. I’m not asking you to be certain of anything, to have all the answers, or to think or feel a particular way about things. Whatever feelings you may experience are valid.
If at any time, you feel the need to step out, go ahead*. You don’t have to explain yourself to me. You can return at any time, or not at all.
*Some places may require participants to inform someone that they are leaving, or to take a “buddy” with them. Please adjust this rule based on the rules of wherever you are holding this group.
…Something to Break the Ice
Random Conversation Starters (by topic):
Self-Identity:
What’s the story behind your name? (first name, middle name, and/or ast name)
What word would you use to describe yourself if you had to choose only one?
What song would be your theme song?
What has been your most memorable life experience to date?
What is your favorite childhood memory?
Empathy Building:
How do you deal with people who annoy you for no apparent reason?
What are some of the questions you wish people would stop asking you?
Good for sparking debate:
What is your favorite snack?
Who’s your favorite artist/band?
Android or Apple?
Are Cheetos chips?
Games-type introduction activities:
Have each group member role a dice, whatever number it lands on indicates how many facts about themself they have to share.
Have each person introduce themself with their name and one short fact. The next person who shares has to introduce themself the same way AND introduce the person(s) behind them and so on.
Knowing you’ll have to remember the name and fact tends to help people listen better. It helps exemplify active listening.
You have the option to ask the group after the activity how it felt to have to remember everyone’s name and fact. You can follow up by asking whether or not they think being required to remember and introduce others made them pay closer attention during other peoples’ introductions.
Ask the group to count to 20. They aren’t allowed to talk during or before the game begins; they can only say numbers. The catch is that if two people say a number at the same time, the game resets and they all have to start from scratch. You can add more rules as they start to hack the game. I.e. people can’t say multiple numbers in a row, everyone in the group has to say at least one number, once one person says a number, the people on either side of them aren’t allowed to go next, etc.
This is a good game to segway into a discussion about conversation. You can start by asking the group questions after the activity like: How did you know when to speak? Were you ever unsure of whether or not to speak? How did that feel? How did the moments of silence feel? These discussions can lead into a larger conversation about conversation by asking things like: Have you ever had an experience where there was awkward silence? How did you handle it? Have you ever felt unsure of whether or not to say something? What did you do? Etc.
…Something to Watch
Peggy McIntosh’s Invisible Backpack TEDx Talk
This 18 minute TEDx Talk introduces people to the “invisible knapsack (or backpack) of privilege.” It’s a good introduction to privilege (and systems of oppression by extension).
I would strongly suggest pairing it with the invisible backpack checklist. The original is a bit dated, so I created a modified version: Download it here. Feel free to use it, or to search for and use McIntosh’s original.
Personally, I’d have people complete the checklist after the video, but you can do it in whatever order you’d like! As always, I recommend leaving time for discussion.
Snack Attack
This adorable animated movie is a great exercise in building empathy and understanding perspective and prejudice.
Activity:
Before the video begins, ask everyone to write out (or draw) the emotions and/or thoughts that they think the elderly woman may be experiencing as they watch the video.
Play the video a second time, but this time ask the group to write out (or draw) the emotions and/or thoughts that they think the young man may be experiencing.
Build in discussion wherever feels appropriate.
Potential discussion questions:
The video depicts an elderly person and a youth. How do you think their ages may have impacted how they perceived one another?
Do you think these perceptions had an impact on their behaviors? Why or why not?
How might we extend what we’ve learned from this video to other identity categories beyond age? i.e. LGBTQ+, race/ethnicity, socioeconomic status, mental health, etc.
…Something to Read
Intellectual Empathy: Critical Thinking for Social Justice by Maureen Linker
The “back of book” description: Intellectual Empathy provides a step-by-step method for facilitating discussions of socially divisive issues. Maureen Linker, a philosophy professor at the University of Michigan–Dearborn, developed Intellectual Empathy after more than a decade of teaching critical thinking in metropolitan Detroit, one of the most racially and economically divided urban areas, at the crossroads of one of the Midwest’s largest Muslim communities. The skills acquired through Intellectual Empathy have proven to be significant for students who pursue careers in education, social work, law, business, and medicine.
Now, Linker shows educators, activists, business managers, community leaders—anyone working toward fruitful dialogues about social differences—how potentially transformative conversations break down and how they can be repaired. Starting from Socrates’s injunction know thyself, Linker explains why interrogating our own beliefs is essential. In contrast to traditional approaches in logic that devalue emotion, Linker acknowledges the affective aspects of reasoning and how emotion is embedded in our understanding of self and other. Using examples from classroom dialogues, online comment forums, news media, and diversity training workshops, readers learn to recognize logical fallacies and critically, yet empathically, assess their own social biases, as well as the structural inequalities that perpetuate social injustice and divide us from each other.
My description: This book had a profound impact on me. It was required reading for my Social Justice Movements course during my sophomore year of undergrad, and it expanded on a lot of my hunches and inspired me to always be kind, open, and inquisitive when dealing with people, especially where social justice in concerned. Linker excels at using relatable real-world examples to ground and explain her work. She does an excellent job of explaining how history, identity, and perception all relate to one another. She also does a good job of explaining why controversial issues are controversial. The best thing about this book, though, is the clarifying way that Linker outlines common problems that arise in interpersonal communication, and the equally helpful tools she offers to help create solutions--tools that can be easily folded into and used in our daily lives!
The masterful interlacing of relevant real-world examples throughout the chapters, and the end of chapter discussion questions and inclusion of additional resources help this book to stand out from the crowd as a top-notch empathy guidebook.
Pro Tip: It’s best to read this book from cover to cover. I’d recommend not skipping the introduction and reading all the chapters in order, as they all build off of one another.
This book is college-level. I’d only give this book to older teens and up, and it might be a bit much for some teens (and some adults). A background in philosophy is not needed to read this book. I found the language to be very accessible. The content does spark a good deal of critical thinking, though. I’d recommend creating space for people to work through the material presented in the book together.
…Something to Wonder
John Rawls’ “Veil of Ignorance” Thought Experiment
This is a thought experiment developed by John Rawls. The basic premise is this:
Imagine you are looking down on the Earth. You are about to be born into the world. You have no idea where you’ll end up. You don’t know who your parents will be. You don’t know what your sex or gender will be, or what county you’ll be born in. You have no knowledge of what your race/ethnicity, socioeconomic status, abilities, likes, dislikes, appearance, or talents will be. You have absolutely no idea what circumstances you’ll be born into. You could be born somewhere peaceful, or be born in the middle of a war zone. Anything is possible. You could be anyone.
With this knowledge, or lack thereof: what kind of world do you want to be born into? Not knowing who you’ll be, design the world how you’d want it to be when you're born into it.
Possible prompts:
How is wealth distributed? Food? Medicine?
How are governments structured?
How is crime dealt with?
Are there countries?
How does money work? Is there money?
How are cities designed? Are there more cities or small towns?
How do people get from place to place?
Where does energy come from?
How is waste dealt with?
Is there homelessness?
Is there racism? Sexism? Homophobia? Ageism? Etc?
How are sick people dealt with?
…Something to play
Spent Simulation: http://playspent.org/
It can be hard to understand what it’s like to live in poverty if you’ve never experienced it. This interactive simulation is designed to help people understand. In the simulation players start with 1,000 dollars. The goal is to make it to the end of the month without going completely broke. Players have to choose a job, buy groceries, and deal with any unexpected events that arise. Can you make it to the end of the month?
The simulation is probably best played individually, but you could potentially play as a group.
Implicit Bias Test: https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/takeatest.html
Ok so this isn’t technically a “game,” but it’s game-like. It’s the Harvard Implicit Bias Test. There are a number of different tests designed for different biases. (They're all good.) The tests require you to make split second choices that are designed to reveal any implicit biases the test-taker may hold. It can be a very eye-opening experience.
These tests have to be taken individually.
Each test is designed to take about 10 minutes.
…Something to Do
The “Tree of Life” Activity from Singing to the Lions
Download the PDF here
I used this activity in my workshop. I found this activity was a great primer for talking about empathy and dialogue. For this reason, I always tried to do this activity in my first workshop session. I found that by frontending my workshop with this, following workshops that dealt more directly with empathy and dialogue skills went over better; I suspect because participants had this grounding in self-identity.
For discussion after this activity, I always opened with: "What did you notice about everyone's trees? or What stood out to you when walking around the "forest"?" Many people point out "Everyone's were so different/unique!" and sometimes "I noticed something on my tree was on other people's tree." I often try to speak to how the trees are like a representation of ourselves. And draw attention to the fact that they're very full and complicated, as are people. I mention how we're all so unique, and yet there are similarities. And that we all grow together, like trees, in the "forest" that is life. Sometimes I mention how in nature, diverse forests are strong and resilient (as opposed to non-diverse forests, which are typically human-made), and this is paralleled in human communities.
If you're focusing more on personal reflection,strength, and resilience, I think discussion questions and ending paragraph from the resource are really good.
An Active Listening Exercise from “Bringing the Web to Life” Workshop
Download the PDF Here
I used Activity 3 in my workshop this summer!
All of the activities are really cool though, and I think they would be accessible and appropriate for adults and children alike.
If you're doing any of these with very young children, though, you may need to make a few adjustments. Modify at your discretion!
…Something to Pray
Prayer of Thanks for People
From Catholic Door Ministry
God of Love,
I thank You for the people in my life
who are easy to love.
I thank You for my family and friends
who understand my actions,
who support me in my decisions,
and whose presence can lift the burden of a thorny day.
Help me with those who are difficult to love.
When they come at me with criticism
and wild expectations,
when they ignore me
or try to bend me to their will,
let me recognize their flaws and their dangers.
But then let me remember Your attitude toward them,
and lead me to see them in the light of Your love.
Amen.
———-
O Lord,
open my eyes that I may see the needs of others;
open my ears that I may hear their cries;
open my heart so that they need not be without succor.
Let me not be afraid to defend the weak
because of the anger of the strong,
nor afraid to defend the poor
because of the anger of the rich.
Show me where love and hope and faith are needed,
and use me to bring them to those places.
Open my eyes and ears that I may this coming day
be able to do some work of peace for you.
Amen.
———-
Incline us O God!
to think humbly of ourselves,
to be saved only in the examination of our own conduct,
to consider our fellow-creatures with kindness,
and to judge of all they say and do with the charity
which we would desire from them ourselves.
-Jane Austen