I’m going to start this post the opposite way I usually do, by starting at the end of the week.
On the last night of camp at Christian Youth Leadership Seminar in Brownwood, Texas, I was invited to go swimming with the other adults after lights out. I debated it for a minute, as I would be getting up the next morning for a long day of travel, but I eventually decided to go. All of the pool lights and lights from surrounding buildings were turned off. There was laughter and banter as we got in the pool and tried to adjust to the darkness, and this was soon joined by murmurs of wonder as we began to look up at the stars.
This is probably said a lot, but there is something about the stars in Texas that is remarkably different from anywhere else. And especially at a place like Lake Brownwood Christian Retreat, there’s very little light pollution. I could see so many amazing constellations and even witnessed a shooting star streaking across the sky. I floated on my back for about a minute, the chatter of those around me momentarily muffled by the immersion of my ears in the water. All I could see were stars, in all of their infinite glory. As I let my feet touch the pool’s floor and joined the group again, I couldn’t help but marvel at how lucky I was to be a part of the very same galaxy as the people of CYLS. What a joy it was to feel enveloped by God’s creation that night, to feel so small in relation to the stars yet so loved by the community I was witnessing it with. This moment felt representative of my entire week at camp, a week filled with wonder and gratitude.
I arrived at the campground on a Sunday afternoon, tired from travel but happy to be back at camp. I was struck by the beauty and serenity that was around me as soon as I stepped out of the car. The campground was quiet yet full of life, with the constant trill of cicadas filling the air and a slight breeze that would pierce the humidity every so often. I was able to glimpse the lake through the trees at certain points and it was a clear and brilliant blue. I could hear the wind moving through the water and creating a gentle rushing. As I walked to the cabin with all of my things and paid attention to these sights and sounds around me, I felt utterly at peace.
The first picture I took at Lake Brownwood Christian Retreat!
My first evening in Brownwood was one in which unexpected connections arose. I met Becca and Scott Hardin-Nieri, the parents of my friend Liv who is in HELM with me. The plan for the night was to go to dinner with all of the adults and RYMC members. The Hardin-Nieris offered to give me a ride to town for this dinner, and we learned on the way that Becca went to college with my dad! When we got to the restaurant I met Bobby Hawley, a man who would be at camp for a couple days. I soon learned that he had counseled camp for my parents at one time. It was wild to be in the same room as someone who remembered my parents as teenagers, someone whom they looked up to all the way into their adulthood. As I sat at dinner and talked with Becca, Scott, and Bobby, I felt a surge of uncontainable emotions. To be given the gift of these instant connections with the new people in a new space felt overwhelming in the best way possible. The best way I was able to voice these feelings was: “I feel like I’m going to cry!” My tears didn’t come until later in the week, but I went to bed later that night with my heart warmed anew.
Bobby and me.
On the first official morning of camp, I went down to the area where the vespers service happened the previous night. It’s right on the edge of the lake, with water lapping up onto rocks just below the seating area and a cross that has clearly been there for many years. I made a habit of going there every morning before breakfast, just to be alone with the sound of the water and the morning birds. I even tried to sleep in one morning, but couldn’t ignore the call of the vespers area! There was a sacred solitude I found there, a moment of silence and appreciation for nature that healed a lot of the worries I came to camp with. Sometimes I played my guitar, sometimes I wrote letters to people I missed, and sometimes I just prayed. The space was one I could truly sit in for hours if given the chance. It was just one example among the wonders of creation I got to see during the week. Others included the lake where worship took place on the second night of camp, the expansive sunsets above the campground every night, the deer that wandered into camp during our evening of silent meditation, and of course, the stars. I found that one word resurfaced again and again at the sight of wonders like these: grateful.
The outdoor vespers area.
Becca and Scott were our keynoters for the week. They both influenced the way I consciously thought about gratitude throughout each day, in and outside of their keynotes. Scott talked to us on one of the days about “awe moments”, or moments in which we were overcome with wonder. He provided the example of being in nature and seeing something so beautiful that it couldn’t be captured in words. This is one of the ways to connect with God–through an awe moment. I felt that this perfectly described my gratitude as a result of witnessing creation at CYLS. Scott also talked about how it is our calling as Christians to care for creation because we love it so much. It was inspiring for me to think about the ways gratitude can be used as a spark for action and advocacy.
Becca facilitated an amazing week-long project where all campers and adults wrote words and phrases on leaves cut out of fabric. The words reflected what had come up for us during Scott’s keynotes in the mornings, and they were all compiled and glued onto long strips of fabric painted with tree trunks. By the end of the week, the trunks were adorned by leaves and resembled colorful trees. The long strips of fabric were eventually cut into stoles and gifted to every single person at the final worship service. Watching each person receive their stole made me tear up. The installation of the stoles was a mark of each person’s dedication to leadership and ministry, whatever that happened to look like for each individual. I felt immense gratitude for all of these leaders and the great things they were bringing to the world. Receiving my own stole was emotional as well. I’m still discerning a call to ministry; it felt like a sign that I was on the right path.
The strip of fabric where leaves were glued, eventually to be turned into stoles.
Me wearing my stole!
Rev. Katherine Wright and I after receiving our stoles.
I turned 22 about halfway through my week in Brownwood! The Hardin-Nieris took me to lunch at Whataburger (my first time there…I’m sensing a theme this summer) and we shared what we were grateful for as part of our meal together. We shared about parts of camp, about parts of our lives outside of camp, and about each other. I felt so loved by Becca and Scott as I listened to them name their gratitudes for me and share stories of past camp and life experience. It was my very first birthday away from home, but it was perfect. Since that afternoon in town, I’ve made an effort to be more intentional with my gratitude. I name it whenever big emotions start to wash over me (which is often). I name it when I’m finding it hard to be positive. And I name it when I am filled with the giddy happiness that church camp often brings.
Experiencing Whataburger with Becca and Scott.
There are so many things I was grateful for at CYLS. I don’t think I can name them all in one blog post, but here are the ones that shine the brightest in this moment:
I am grateful for the youth who attended camp. They are passionate leaders, expert communicators, and brilliant humans overall. I was able to spend a little extra time with the RYMC members before camp began. I loved seeing their excitement in organizing and leading CYLS, something that showed through the detailed planning they had done in prior months. I actually had the pleasure of being with one of the RYMC youth during my Be The Neighbor week prior to CYLS, as his church was a part of that week’s mission trip. We found that we had many things in common: interest in future ministry, a passion for working with young people, and even the same birthday! He was wise beyond his years and a delight to talk to, and he often affirmed me and his fellow youth with kind words. I hope he knows what an impact he has made on his camp community.
I met many more amazing young people throughout the week, whether they were attending my workshop, sitting with me at breakfast, or playing card games with me in the cabin! It was powerful to hear about the hopes and fears they had for the future and what kind of a difference they wanted to make as leaders. It was a blessing to sit in on some of their workshops about identifying their spiritual gifts. I hope they know of the powers they carry within them to positively impact others. They certainly impacted me.
Youth and adults on the first night of worship.
I am grateful for the workshop leaders and for the opportunity to lead my own workshop. The youth had a few required workshops to attend and were also required to choose from a variety of workshops that all met at the same time. Whenever I wasn’t teaching, I attended workshops led by other adults. It was an honor to learn alongside the young leaders who signed up for these–I am still a young leader myself, even with the 5 or 6 year age gap between me and most of them! I learned more about theological studies than I’d previously known, learned about some seminaries and the future options they present, and was reminded of my gifts as a leader.
I was able to teach my workshop on two separate days. I’ve continued to teach about the apartheid and genocide against Palestinians, facilitating a discussion and doing an art project. I continue to feel proud of the young people taking part in such a difficult conversation and contributing their art and writing. Both times leading my workshop at CYLS gave me insight into how these young people were feeling about the injustices of the world and how they wanted to make a difference. I thank them for giving me their time and attention.
I am grateful for the music we were all able to share. I had the great blessing of singing with the camp music director, Steph Hord, on two nights of worship. I loved all of the songs Steph brought to camp and I especially loved listening to the youth hum and sing these songs throughout each day, between workshops and meals and everything else. It felt as if we were in perpetual worship, even outside of that nightly hour intended for it. On the last night of camp, right before we received our stoles, I led everyone in singing “Here I Am, Lord.” But Steph made an intentional lyrical change so that all singular pronouns were changed to collective pronouns. Here’s how the end of the chorus was sung:
We will go, Lord,
If you lead us
We will hold your people in our hearts.
And so on. This lyric change and the earnest way with which it was sung by the camp was moving.
I looked out at the young leaders before me and knew deeply that they would continue to be led by God in all they did.
Singing with Steph.
To return to the pool and the stars: around midnight, it was time to get out of the water. I reflected on all of my gratitudes from the week. I craned my neck to look at the stars again before going back to my cabin and was compelled to whisper a simple, Thank you. I directed these words towards creation, towards the CYLS community, and towards the God who created both.
Reader, I’m grateful for you. May you continue to witness and appreciate the wonders of creation, relationships, and learning in your everyday life. And may that gratitude propel you towards the change you wish to create in this world.
Sunset on the lake.